The truth. That painful part of life that we spend so much time trying to avoid, cover up, divert or destroy.

The truth always comes out. Always. And whether you choose to ignore it or not, it is still there telling you the truth. And that’s why your gut instinct is always right. It tells you the truth even when you try to tell yourself something else.

Having said this, I am now going to discuss being ‘economical with the truth’.

I have long been a believer that there is, more often than not, absolutely no need to spell out all of the facts in a situation, no need for every detail or all of the insignificant miniscule points that so often bog down the truth; we know the truth anyway, and so to overstate it simply smacks of insensitivity. On the other hand, there is no need to be so ‘economical with the truth’ that you are lying.

There are two ways of being ‘economical with the truth’ - the right way and the wrong way.

Governments, religions and financial advisers do it the wrong way; they tell you total fallacies that seem to be true but are actually totally ridiculous if you scratch the surface. For example:

1. Governments try to cause concern when they tell us that population decline is disastrous to our economies. Now, this seems to be true in the short term - there will be less people to make and spend money and therefore less money to support the older generations and the infrastructure of the nation. Seems true. BUT - if you think about it, if you allow the birth rate to fall, then within one or two generations that problem will be eradicated because there will be less old people on the planet that need to be supported by the government and therefore the status quo will be resolved. And so, I ask, why don’t governments simply encourage saving rather than spending so that old people can pay for themselves when they retire? Why don’t they build less roads but maintain them better? This would be better for our environment and health and therefore better for the medical system. Why not encourage people to have less children so that they are not stretching themselves emotionally, physically and financially to the point of bust? Why? Because the more people a nation has, the more power it maintains in the world and the more disposable its population becomes and the easier it is to use war as the answer. That’s the truth. But they won’t tell you that.

2. a) Religions encourage small children to believe in an imaginary friend called God. Why? Because then they can take your money by scaring you into believing that it is what God wants. If you believe in God, then you are an idiot. Yes, let me repeat that; if you believe in God then you are an idiot. The existence of a God is so childish, far-fetched and fantastical and yet what I just said has probably offended some of you. But, if I said I had an invisible person living on my shoulder who told me what to do and helped me do the right thing, then you would tell me I was nuts. There you go. End of discussion. God is an untruth. And deep down, you know it.

2. b) Religions also have you follow some human entity who was ‘divine’. For example the Christians who have you follow Jesus and then tell you that he was born of a virgin, walked on water, died on the cross, rose from the dead and then flew up to heaven. C’mon people. Grow up! Jesus may have existed, but he was simply a preacher, a guru, a sage, who was not born of a virgin, did not die on the cross (because crucifixion was a week long process and he was taken down after 6 hours), and therefore did not rise from the dead (he simply looked like death warmed up because he felt like shit) and did not go ‘up’ to heaven, he was whisked away to France (or India) and was given political asylum from the Herods… end of fairytale you idiots. And if you still doubt my tale, then ask yourself this - if you were Joseph and your girlfriend got pregnant, would you believe that it was an imaginary Divine Being or your best mate who did it? The truth is that Jesus was born out of wedlock and the Church covered it up. The truth is that Jesus was a bastard. That’s the truth.

3. Financial Advisers somehow make money from speculation, they take your cash and make money from guessing which companies will do well and which will fail. Now, I have one question; if they are so good at it, then why aren’t they already retired? Thank you. Makes no sense. They have as much idea as you do on what is going on, but they manage to wiggle the facts and make it look like they are dealing the truth. Bullsh*t!

So, now I have dealt with the wrong way of doing this, let’s look at the right way.

In reality, the best way to apply ‘economy with the truth’ is in your personal relationships, the love and the friendships, where we make fantastical promises of forever and fidelity and we encourage our loved ones to believe in fairytale fueled dreams of eternity - now, I am not saying it is wrong to get lost in the moment, to make the one you love feel special, to express the depths of your emotions, to enjoy the love you feel; I think these things are important, they make a life and a moment a little more exceptional; but, I do have a problem when we take it too far, when we make promises that we cannot keep, when we drag other people into our fantasy and make them waste time, money and effort on a fallacy.

Guess where I’m going with this:

Yes, marriage - the most ridiculous, pathetic, over-rated, over-populated and insecure institution ever invented; the reason that we have so many fucked up kids, the reason that those fucked up kids end up in fucked up relationships with outrageously idyllic expectations that only serve to disappoint and destroy.

Now, the truth is what I intend to preach, and the truth is that too many marriages fail, too many promises are broken and too many relationships end because the expectations are too high. We are given the wrong end of the scale when it comes to being economical with the truth about marriage, we are told a lie, and we are led to believe in the happily ever after which is so far-fetched that it simply leads to failure. The truth is not like a movie, a movie is economical with the truth, it takes something totally improbable and makes it appear totally normal, possible and achievable.

But, if we were a little more economical with the truth in the correct way, then we could handle marriage far better, we could manage our way through the jungle, navigate the complicated oceans of emotions that we all so desperately wish to conquer, overcome the difficulties that we encounter with relationships and then we might actually end up with far better relationships that lasted far longer than most marriages; and these could all be achieved without having to go through the rigamarole of marriage in the first place.

If we were economical with the truth, if we saw things for what they are without over-stating that truth, if we realized that a lifetime of fidelity is an impossibility in a relationship, if we accepted that flirtations will always be a part of life, if we learnt to not dwell on these things, then we could live truthfully without having to be fully truthful or overtly honest, we could continue our partnerships without that feeling of possession that we have been taught to desire, we could allow our partner freedom and therefore we could accept our own freedom without condition, we could, in the end, end up with a life in which knew what was going on without needing to know every detail, every problem, every issue; without lies, and without probing, problematic and penalizing questions that only lead to downfall and heartbreak for all concerned.

We know that our loved ones don’t always behave as we might like, and we know that we are guilty of the same, so, rather than seeking out the drama, let’s accept it is there and then move forward knowing that it is sometimes best not to know everything. And when you do find out the truth, let it flow over you a little, let it be a part of the relationship, not the whole thing. Provided you both still want to be there, as partners, parents or lovers, then you move forward and accept that nothing is perfect but some things are worth fighting for.

Being economical with the truth, both as the recipient and the deliverer, is sometimes the best thing we can do to maintain our love - however, it should never be at the expense of knowing that if you are going to be economical with the truth, do it the right way.

Guy Blews - www.RealisticRelationships.com

Many States in the USA allow the parent(s) of a newborn to ‘dump’ the baby off at a hospital in order to reduce the risk of abandonment. And, according to the ‘experts’, it is a successful program.

The State of Nebraska just enacted a similar law but forgot to put an age limit on the child that can be dumped, so parents have been dumping their grown children, including teenagers, at hospitals throughout the State. This includes people from other States, one of whom drove halfway across the country to drop off their teenager who was pleading with her not to go. (Why didn’t they fly? And why didn’t the teenager bale out of the car on the way? I suppose the child didn’t know that their Mother was such a total bitch). The problem has become so bad that the Governor of Nebraska is now begging, yes begging people to stop dumping their children and the law will be changed next week to reduce the age of ‘non-consent’.

And yet again, this boils down to one thing - we are not told the truth.

As children, I would hazard a guess that most people are either encouraged, expected or educated into having children, most girls talk about it as if it’s the only reason they are here and that the ‘failure’ to breed is a failure of their entire existence; most men are made to feel that fatherhood is a right of passage and without this they are not quite a man; a large number of you reading this might think that what I am about to say is totally outrageous. Good. It’s a wake up call.

But the truth is that too many people who breed are not built to be parents - a lot more people than we should accept have children with no idea about child-rearing, patience or education. Some people have children because they need unconditional love (they weren’t able to find it by any other means); other people behave criminally towards their children; others still, have too many children because they think they are so wonderful that the world needs more of them, and others (that I have no name rude enough for) have children that they expect taxpayers to pay for. Let’s forget the environmental impact a child has; let’s forget the fact that many people have children as an emotional crutch for a boring life, a bad marriage or a way of holding onto a man; let’s forget that too many people on welfare are ‘permitted’ to breed. As hard as it might be, let’s forget those facts.

Let’s look at the issue facing Nebraska and the message that is coming out of this: People are so desperate that they are literally throwing their kids away; they are so irresponsible, so disgustingly ignorant and so self righteous that they are unable to accept the truth behind the reason they cannot handle their own child is their own damn fault. They are such low grade human beings that they think it’s acceptable to let their problem become our issue.

Now, I have never had children - I always say I am not selfish enough to have kids - Yes, that’s what I wrote - I am NOT selfish enough to have kids - (think about it). I used to think that I would, I used to dread the thought of the responsibility, both financial and emotional, let alone the amount of time it would take away from me being able to stay in bed late with my girlfriend or relax without constant noise, constant questions, constant entertainment. But somehow, I was one of the lucky ones - I managed to work out that I was not built to be a parent. But how? Well, if I think about it, I would say it is this: I spent time with other people’s kids, I immersed myself in the reality of the situation, I saw the truth of child-rearing; and I learnt my lesson before it was too late… even though it went against everything I had been taught, everything I had been encouraged to do and everything my family wished for.

And although I am a man, I know women who feel the same, who feel that, despite society’s teachings and the stigma placed on a childless woman, they feel that they dodged the bullet, they are happy to be free from that responsibility; and I applaud them, I congratulate them, I respect them for listening to their own truth and not the fairytale that too many people fall for.

Now, I know the parents out there, reading this, will comment that it’s “different when it’s your own”, that you have “no idea what it’s like until it’s yours”, but that’s where the ’selfish’ part comes in - I know that my kid will be just another kid to everyone else; I am not small-minded enough to think that my kid is any more special than my friend’s kids; I am not ego-centric enough to think that it will make any difference to the world whether I breed or not; in fact, I know that I am more responsible for not having had a kid, it would ruin my life and it would ruin the kid’s life, not to mention the added stress it puts on the planet, and all for what? My ego? No. I don’t need that stroked by a child, I’d rather do something constructive, like make a point that you disagree with but a point that makes sense and might help someone else come to terms with their own truth. And, on top of it all I don’t have the nagging concern in the back of my mind that I just bred a kid who only lets me have my own space when I encourage it to watch a dvd or play a video game; I can proudly say that I didn’t breed a waste of space.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I am aware that some people are good parents, that they breed productive members of society, that I enjoy time with their kids because they are respectful, fun and individual. My problem lies with the mall rats, the gang bangers, the violent offenders, the unemployable, welfare scamming, overweight, stupid, dumb and destructive children that should never have been bred and should not be allowed to breed - these are the children who come from the parents who have nothing to offer but boredom, anger and junk food. And they only breed ‘more of the same’. These are the people that should consider abortion before they consider birth. And if you consider yourself above these people, these morons who breed for the sake of it, for the thrill of it or for the stupidity of it, then limit yourself to one, maybe two ‘ego boosts’, there really is no need, no space and no time for you to have three of them.

Since when did parenthood make you a better person? Since when did “having your own” make it better to lose your freedom? If you ask the parents who are dumping their teenagers off at hospitals in Nebraska, they will tell you that it didn’t matter that it was “their own”, they couldn’t handle it.

But then, why did they have children in the first place?

Because they were never told the godforsaken truth, they were never offered the other side of the argument, they were never given a kid to look after for 3 days. And therein lies the problem - you can’t own a dog without a license, you can’t drive a car without passing 2 tests, you can’t own a gun without being certified, but you can have a kid by mistake, and a kid is far more dangerous, unpredictable and difficult to control than any of the above.

My point is this: we are sold a pack of lies, an idealized illusion, untruths and bullshit; we are told that a child will make you a better person, that your family can’t wait for a grandchild, that it will be the “most amazing experience of your life” (like a shark attack is) and you are rarely, if ever, given the other side of the argument, the truth - that a child will totally destroy your social life for a year or more, it will also destroy your sleep pattern and your good-humor, it will then usurp all of your time and you will become a free taxi service without so much as a thank you for your troubles, you will end up being blamed for everything they don’t like and, just so you know, it doesn’t stop 18 years after the birth, it goes on until your dying day, that feeling of responsibility, that possibility of becoming a bank, that likelihood of the midnight phone call that spells drama and disaster. All of the above are probable (not possible, perhaps or maybe) and all of the above are the ‘best case scenario’; because a child is also designed to ruin your sex life and consequently your marriage, as a wife you feel under-appreciated, as a husband you feel neglected - a great combination that also spells drama and disaster.

Is it not time that the Government told the truth to young kids; that religions should stop encouraging over-population, poverty, misery and fear of retribution; that abortion should be far more widely exercised; that parents who are having a hard time should speak the truth to their own offspring; that the short-sighted illusion of baby care being fun is like the illusion that a puppy never grows up?

I know it’s too much to ask, but I thought I would put it out there, I thought I would mention the opposing view, I thought I would point out the all too common truth (just as the situation in Nebraska has), and I thought I would upset some of you in the process.

Good.

Guy Blews - www.RealisticRelationships.com

I spend most of my life pushing the truth down people’s throats, and I have now distilled the truth into one wonderfully simple phrase:

- See it for what it is, not for what you wish it was -

In other words, stop trying to impose your own wishes and desires onto a situation that cannot accept them, stop trying to make your boyfriend into something he is incapable of being, stop ignoring your girlfriend’s questions in the hope that she will stop asking; start living a life that is based on the situation as it is and work within those parameters. Stop trying to bend the truth.

You might want to live with your boyfriend, and it might seem logical because then you can be together all the time and you can halve your expenses, but know this: the second you move in with him he is going to feel claustrophobic and your relationship will change - probably for the worse.

If you argue all the time with your partner, if they make you feel uneasy, if they disrespect you, if they don’t communicate and it makes you feel insecure, if they nag incessently, if you don’t really like them; then don’t put up with it in the hope that they will change, they won’t, and therefore you have one of two choices - put up with it and shut up, or get out and move on. That’s it. I can’t tell you to stop seeing them (the sex might be great, or the vacations might be just what you need), but if you choose to endure the bad side of it, you have to accept it as it is, it will not be any different. It is what it is, not what you wish it was.

You might want to marry the girl who lives in Sweden, because you have never met anyone who makes you feel this way and everytime you are together it is so exciting, but understand this: one of you will have to leave behind their life as they know it which will make that person dependent; the dynamic will change and whoever doesn’t move will lose a massive amount of freedom; this freedom will be replaced by pressure, this pressure will cause untold damage to the relationship, and if you mention it, the one that did move will be able to argue that they gave up everything to build a life together, so why are you being so insensitive. And they have a point.

See my point? We wish it was like the fairytale, but it isn’t. It’s like the truth - it hurts, but it’s still true.

That’s why freedom and space are so important in a relationship. And as much as we all know it, we don’t act it. We wish it was different, but it isn’t.

All day, everyday I see people screw things up, cause themselves anguish, waste their time and efforts simply because they refuse to see what is right there before them. All day long I point out the truth before them, and all day long I hear the same response… “But…”

But what? But, you aren’t listening, but you aren’t seeing, but you aren’t observing the truth and reacting according to it. You are only trying to rearrange everything to suit you, and life isn’t like that. You are swimming against the current and it’s exhausting. You are refusing to see the truth, refusing to turn around and go with the flow. If you continue to do that, I can’t help you.

Yes, that might mean you lose what you have now, and that might be a little daunting, but what you have now isn’t working and it is costing you time, effort, energy and emotion that is getting you nowhere and offering you nothing but angst.

So, look at your situation. If it works as it is, then leave it as it is. If it doesn’t work, then get out. Anything that is fraught with constant pitch battles, confusion, neurosis and worry is not worth it. There is always something else, and when you find it, you will know that it works and you will know that it is worth it.

Living with your eyes open is not something that we have been taught to do. We have been taught that the ’stepping stones’ of life should be followed, and if they don’t work fo you, then that is your fault. This is wrong; we all have different needs, wants and desires, we are all individuals who react differently in any given situation, so forget what you have been taught and live by what is, by what you see and by what works for you.

Enjoy what it is, not what you wish it was.

Guy Blews - www.RealisticRelationships.com

Water is so damn important to us, it is the best way for us to stay healthy - water drinking.

It transports, distills, cleanses, clarifies, purifies and modifies our bodies, keeping our skin flexible and young, our insides fresh and lubricated.

The more water we drink, the better we feel.

And yet, most of us choose to drink too much coffee, too many sodas, and alcohol to the point of destruction. Others don’t like to drink too much water because they say it will make them have to get up and pee in the night - have you heard about the other options? Kidney stones, liver transplants, you name it, most of it could be prevented by drinking more and more water. Personally, I’ll be getting up in the middle of the night quite willingly… I find it to be quite relaxing once the flow begins (not to be too graphic).

Water also teaches us many things - for example, stagnant water becomes putrified and breeds mosquitoes. A rushing river of water carves it’s own path through the mountains and valleys, the path of least resistance, it flows on and on until it reaches the vast and wondrous ocean, all the while moving forward with vigor and energy that is envied by many, over-powered by a few and utilized for good causes such as hydro-electric power.

Perhaps we, the humans, should be a little more like the water that we respect, the water that flows, ever-moving, giving life and teaching us that stagnation is not in our best interests, that change is an essential part of life; that we need to respect, join, adapt to and encourage the changes in our lives so that we can evolve to be better, so that we can live with the truth, the truth that knows we must change to prevent ourselves from becoming useless and dangerous, nothing more than a cesspool that breeds evil little critters.

Marriage is that cesspool. A cesspool that I abhor with a vengeance. Realistic Relationships is the exact opposite, it is the flowing river that is designed to encourage change so that we can evolve whilst we enhance those around us, respectfully and carefully. Like water.

Guy Blews - www.RealisticRelationships.com

And so, here we are, the day after election 2008.

It’s time to pump some blood into the life of this miserable nation that is clinging to guns and religion, that has been raped and pillaged by George Bush & Dick Cheney… The Dixie Chicks were right. And I knew it. So did everyone else who lived in, or came from, a foreign country. But somehow Americans voted The Village Idiot in for two full terms… they didn’t even impeach him, with so many possible chances. It really was pathetic to watch, and sad to have to live under the Bush cloud…

But now the American people have done the right thing (not that I am an Obama fan anymore than I am a Dixie Chick fan). But, they voted for change. Voted for a new lease on life. Voted for a man who may not be the most experienced politician on the block, but he is certainly the most rounded human being of the bunch. Having two races in his blood, having lived in a Muslim nation for 4 of his formative years and having fought a political battle that traversed the USA and circumnavigated the global news stations that we are all bombarded by, Obama’s victory has, in many ways, released the tension, provided the orgasm that this nation so badly needed to prove it’s worth. For without this kind of swinging of the pendulum, where would America stand in the eyes of the world? Where would they have gone from here? Where would the stagnancy of politics have taken us all? I dread to think.

As annoying as the process was for us, the dragging pain of election coverage that became so painful to witness… try to imagine how it was for Obama, how the hell did he manage to stay upbeat for so long? How would you cope with that kind of pressure? He deserves the challenge before him, the challenge he chose to accept. Good luck to him… I have an inkling he might actually be quite good at the job, for he seems to come across as a balanced individual with much to offer. And if he puts McCain in his cabinet, we might just find ourselves under the command of a geniass. Ha!

Guy Blews - www.RealisticRelationships.com

We must be prepared to change if we are to survive.

We must adapt to the situations before us in a way that deals with problems efficiently and positively, understanding that life moves on and we must respect that.

We must come to terms with the fact that change is an essential element of every human life. Yes, it is essential… for without change we do not progress, advance or learn how to cope; without change, we would not evolve from a babe in arms to a toddler, from a toddler to a teenager and on into adulthood. Change, evolution, progression, adaptation and ultimately education are all a part of who we are. The learning curve of our life is the only ingredient we are assured of once we are born, even if we progress straight into death, we still changed - from alive to dead… that’s a change, an evolution.

Now, some would have you believe that everything was invented just as it is, that there was a divine intuition (I shall refrain from saying ‘a divine being’, for that would imply that we are stupid enough to believe that we all have an imaginary friend) that created the world perfectly and it has been thus ever since. These same people would also have you believe that it is possible to be with one person for your whole life, that there is a soulmate out there just waiting for you to find them, and once you have found them, then you will live ‘happily ever after’. These are the people who don’t believe in change. They believe in ignorance and control.

I, on the other hand, would have you contemplate the logical systems that we see all around us every day, the truths that prove the inevitability of change, the pieces of the puzzle that eradicate the possibility of an all-seeing, all-knowing being (for if she did exist, then she surely is omnipotent at best and a psychopath at worst). I would have you relate your existence to what you cannot dispute I would have you look at yourself first, at the way you have changed throughout your life, at the opinions you held as a child and the opinions you hold now, at the dreams that you dreamt and the outcomes that sometimes occurred yet more often evaded you, at the fact that most of your beliefs were force fed into your mind by other people, that what you see and what you are told do not equate and that most of the important things in your life came about because of change.

We cannot avoid change, each season is different, each friendship evolves, each love begins to die and morph into something that it once was not (sometimes for the better, sometimes for the demise of that relationship), and each time we learn something new, we grow, we gain wisdom and we see a truth that we were not taught - and so, now, it is the time to let go of the brainwashing and accept the changes before us, it is time to embrace everything we learn and apply that to the next part of our life. There is no point pretending that change does not exist, or that we can prevent the changes; all we can do is roll with the punches, grow with the knowledge and change for the better.

Guy Blews - www.RealisticRelationships.com

While we are here, and before it happens, I would like to mention the strong possibility, should Bam win the election, that he will be assassinated - there, I said it.

As much as it pains me to write this, and as much as I hope I am wrong, I just don’t think that the conservatives amongst the political and military hierarchy are going to allow his kind of change to occur - Bam is viewed as a radical, he will try to shake up the system and he will want to remove the ‘old guard’ and their ‘old school’ ways, which will cause them to take the ultimate revenge - they did it to Kennedy, they can do it to Bam.

I want to transfer the subject of assassination onto marriage. In the world of relationships, new ideas are assassinated before they are given a chance to breath. Because we too, the common people, are held back from changing this institution, held back from evolving, held back by the past traditional and out dated systems, by those that cannot deal with the idea of change. Those people who believe that everything is better the way it was, are not allowing us to find out that it might be better to see life as it actually is.

It’s time to shake up the old guard, the old school, the stick in the mud, stagnant, un-evolving and quite frankly stupid way that we are rail-roaded into an institution that does not allow for change, that does not permit a modern way of thinking, that will not accept the inevitable truth of human nature.

We need to assassinate the methodology of marriage, we need to eradicate the miseducation that our forefathers bred into us, that no longer works and in actuality ends up damaging us and our children, breeding boredom and disappointment. It would be good to be able to instill reality into our lives, to teach these truths: that being married does not have to be the only way to validate our relationships, that we do not have to be married to be good parents, that divorce is the worst thing we can do to ourselves and our children; and (as simple as this might seem) it is true to say that without marriage there is no divorce, without marriage there is no need to lie to our children or ourselves in the hope of clinging onto something that makes no damn sense.

It is time that we saw human nature for what it is: fluid, ever-changing, unpredictable, but ultimately designed to move lifeward. If we could do that, if we could accept that truth, then we could succeed in having long term, fulfilling and positive situations that aim to embrace the change and enjoy the variety, aware of the obstacles before us, allowing ourselves to evolve with responsibility, whilst maintaining cordial and realistic relationships that nurtured our children without the need for unnatural guidelines and fantastical dreams that never come true.

It is time for change. Let change thrive. Keep change alive.

Guy Blews - www.RealisticRelationships.com

I was talking to a girlfriend of mine this week and she mentioned ‘The Charlotte Effect’

Huh?

I know, it’s from ‘Sex & The City’, which I always found to be more annoying and vacuous than anything else, but somehow it also seemed to make some good points… one of which was ‘The Charlotte Effect’, where a wife becomes so consumed with being a wife that she forgets to be a lover and a fun, sexy person to hang out with.

Yes, believe it or not, that actually happens.

It’s usually called ‘boredom’.

And it effects men as well…

Boredom sets in rapidly if we allow it to… most of us do.

I watch my friends date and date to no avail, I watch other friends marry and divorce, and others still who seem to have simply given up, despondent and detached, beaten up emotionally - this last group includes the ’singletons’ and the ‘espoused’… both of whom are bored, numb and beyond help; which has the same effect on their partner and the world around them; therefore they end up having little or no sex, and the sex they do have, (particularly if they are married) begins to feel like incest because their spouse is more like a sibling than anything else and so it occurs with the lights out, without foreplay and rarely, because, unless you’re into incest, it feels weird having sex with your brother, which is what your husband has become.

So, what can we do?

It’s quite simple really, and it’s the same message I seem to give most of the time - stop teaching kids a bunch of bullshit, stop pretending that your relationship is fine whilst you walk around with bad energy emanating between you and your spouse, stop making up impossible and impractical fairytales that serve no other purpose than to screw up your kids when they become adults. Basically, stop lying. Or, make a goddamn effort to love your partner again - you loved them once, so work on getting that back, through compromise, sensitivity and effort.

And it’s not too late for us either, the adults who were victims to these stories, who are still effected by their message, who still look for ‘the one’, who still can’t find our soulmate, who fantasize about the ‘happily ever after’ that nobody has ever found without some tough reality checks and which was not, in that case, ‘happily ever after’, it was ‘okay in the end’.

If we teach the truth, live by the truth, accept the truth and are aware of the truth, then we have a chance of finding a realistic relationship that will last; and, we will then know that any long term relationship requires effort, both mental, practical and sexual; because I bet there are those of you reading this who have very little sex with your partner, yet you would be horrified if you found out that they were having an affair. Does that make any sense to you? Me neither… but it is a reaction most people would have. I believe it is totally unnatural, bred into us as children and the jealousy that ensues acts as a ‘bill of ownership’ over people we no longer have the right to own, not that we ever have that ‘right’ anyway.

If you want to maintain a healthy sexual relationship, if you want to prevent infidelity, then charity starts at home people, it starts in your own underwear and you better be aware that you need to make an effort to overcome ‘The Charlotte Effect’ in order to make sure you still make love, have sex or fuck on a regular basis in order that you can prevent boredom, that feeling of incest, infidelity and all that ensues.

This is called Realistic Relationships for a reason.

Guy Blews.

I don’t give a flying pizza how much you weigh if you look good - but I do give a damn when you look bad because you’re fat, even if you are as light as a feather (which, of course, is not actually possible).

Now, we have all been fed a big, fat lie, a miseducation, a bunch of processed trash, when it comes to diet, health, exercise and weight.

We are made to think that losing 3 pounds will make all the difference, and so we think we should stop eating. We are made to feel that there is something wrong if we don’t finish all of the food on the plate. We are taught to eat 3 meals a day and we are led to believe that exhausting ourselves to the point of agony is the optimum workout.

WRONG!!

And here’s why -

Muscle is heavier than fat - so you might weigh more and look better.
If you eat all the food in front of you, 3 meals a day, then you screw up your metabolism by overloading the system, which you can’t process by the time you get to the next meal. By doing this, your body gets used to needing more food and so it takes more to fill you up and you look fat because you cannot digest what you eat and then your body will store it, so, actually you are fat. If you try to diet, your body then doesn’t understand the change and stores more food (fat) because it is used to feeling full and has a panic attack that makes you look and feel even worse than you did before.

If, on the other hand, you eat a little bit all of the time, you keep the engine running and then the system works smoothly, it doesn’t have to start from cold every time you sit down to eat - it’s like a train that is kept racing along by putting coal in it constantly. What we are taught to do is wait until the train has stopped and then fill up with fuel once in a while; so it has to kick start itself again and again, go for a while and then come to another slow, grinding halt which needs to be kick started all over again - this makes absolutely no sense.

What we should do is eat less, more often, snack and see the benefits.

If you workout regularly, if you do cardio regularly, if you park at the far end of the parking lot and you use the stairs instead of the elevator, then there is no need to beat yourself up and strain your muscles to injury point when working out.

And rather than getting annoyed when you forget something at the other end of the house or office, look at it as an opportunity to be more healthy, to exercise, to freshen your mind.

Be constant with your exercise. And don’t forget to sexercise… anyone will do.

See? Realistic! So damn easy when you know how.

Peace.

GB

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We are not really educated to be balanced in or approach to life, or the goals we wish to achieve.

We seem to push everything to extremes.

I would like to promote the virtues of balance against those extremes.

If we could be a little more balanced in our approach to things, we would all find it easier to reach our goals and we would enjoy the journey far more. I can apply this to many things; sports, food, money, religion & love.

If we look at sports. If we look at a professional athlete and his regime, his life, his achievements and his downfall, everything is pushed to extremes, which are ultimately detrimental to his life and his health - the two things he was trying to promote. And I could be talking about a tennis player, a basketball star or a football legend - each one of these becomes so hell bent on his success that he becomes (1) boring - by doing the same thing over and over again, so he is one dimensional, (2) obsessive - as his whole life is driven into the ground by one goal, and (3) crippled - because his body took such a pounding, so repetitively, that once he reaches middle age, he is on first name terms with the janitor in the hospital…

If we look at food, then we see that we have taken everything to excess - we eat too much, we gorge ourselves on unhealthy food and then we try to maintain a healthy fad diet by eating ‘fat free’, saccharin drenched bastardizations of standard products, which only serve to put our bodies out of whack with what is natural. Rather than eating the ‘original’, natural version of something, we decide to scoff the ‘fake’ version because somebody told us it was better - but unfortunately, it is extremely bad for us to eat these ‘diet’ foods. We would be far better to eat the ‘original’ food, a little less, more regularly… this would keep our metabolism going in a balanced and healthy way.

If we think about money, we are now on a crashing downward spiral because we took profit and loss to an extreme, we pushed our credit to the point of no return and now the pendulum is swinging back towards us so fast that we cannot get out of the way. If we were a little more balanced with our approach, then we would only buy the house we could afford, not the one we could pretend to afford; we would drive the car we had saved up for, not the one we like to think we should have; and our jeans wouldn’t have to cost $250 because the pocket had a pretty logo that our friends were wearing. We deserve to be smacked in the face for this because we tipped the balance of our bank accounts and took the whole credit and greed thing to extremes.

I don’t know where to start with religion; the whole concept is so ridiculous and hateful - religion teaches balance, but practices extremes; religious leaders teach humility and practice theft, wealth and power; congregations pray for peace but accept hatred against other religions and then start wars… there is nothing left to say, and what ever I do say will make no difference anyway.

And as for love, where do I start? We think the extreme of marriage is a norm, a right of passage, a sign of success. We don’t bother with relationships that we feel might not get us to the alter, we use every date as an interview and we don’t see the irony in the word ‘wedlock’. If we accepted that life is full of change, if we viewed the love we were with as the right person for right now, then we might find that taking the pressure off the situation would enable us to have better relationships that lasted longer, rather than having full on wedding ceremonies that break the bank, end in divorce and shatter our children’s perception of what love is all about.

Balance, people. Let us try to find a course that allows a sportsman to rest; enjoys the food we are given without excess; spends the money we earn, not the money we think we deserve; accepts that life is ever-changing and just because we no longer have that same desire, we do not need to berate the mother/father of our children, we should try to move forward with understanding.

Balance - it’s a lesson we need to be aware of constantly and a lesson we should be teaching our children now, not a battle to be confronted when we are too set in our ways to accept.

GB